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Roll up Dry January!
How best to start the year than with the driest of spirits. Did you think that you were forsaken? Atone, Sinner! Drinking is bad for your health. Who would have thought…
With smoking a niche occupation, that front has gone cold. And sex is good for your health. So far. Because if it is sex and nuts, we advise to stop both, like for No Nut November.
More better ideas coming up for you this year. Januhairy! Shaving is a social construct. Let your hair grow! Free your mind! A smaller energy bill, views and likes on Insta and something to talk about at dinner. It’s exactly like the Ice Bucket challenge, but less fun. And Obama is not doing it too.
Or join us for Veganuary. Same buzz, but, also, because, like, it saves animals. Primarily cows, if I understand the subtle hints in the photos. I am talking about the animals, of course. Sigh. And it saves also pigs. Sometimes chickens. Apparently not fishes, snails or mealworms, but these are camera shy species. Silly them.
Vanuary for those of you in a camper van. More cryptic, definitely more niche and gone for some time now. I root for it though!
Now that we are cooking, why not go the full hog?
Carnuary, to save the cows that were not eaten because of Veganuary, or buy the cars that went unsold because of LEZ.
JanuHarry for Harry to put back some off-colour in the British monarchy, and lift their current demoralising happiness.
Man-uary, because we are worth it, too. So far, we men only get Movember. A bit of a downer if you ask me: grow moustaches for cancer! Except for the PSA test industry of course.
Or Ten-uary, a month of crawling around at 10 km/hour. By next Christmas, my car will probably have upgraded itself to the new speed limitation software of the EU. So Shlep Around Slowly will anyway become the standard.
And in-between Januarys? Let’s keep that momentum going with Oct-ober for octopuses, or Mondays for Climate. Or was it Fridays?
I trust entirely the advertisement industry has a bag full of these. Never demands, nor commands, just friendly and disinterested nudges for our own benefit, health, soul or penguins, sea turtles, polar bears, badgers, hedgehogs, tiny frogs.
Follow Pascal Bollon on Making NonSense of It Image may be NSFW.
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